Nothing will come, I told myself
Nothing will change, the past told me
I tried to let loose of the question marks but they brewed with the days that reaped my nights, slowly losing all the fights.
How to abstain to what felt like purity and a sudden blessing once?
I don’t know. The only possible thing is to outgrow what can’t be replenished. I’m in harms way because of my own heart and mind.
Nothing will come, the past told me
Violence has a heart for destruction but also carries the name of peace when the battle has been fought. I surrender.
The addictions in my life were futile but most of all temporary repression for what seemed to be a way out my own existence.
Love on the other hand wasn’t something I needed, at least not since I experienced the true loss and destruction of it years ago.
The only thing that kept me thinking straight after that vicious circle was my own guideline to survival, like a mirrored cage to reflect myself against myself at all times, remembering that no happiness brought by this world or it’s walkers would ever last forever.
A wise but lonesome man once told me that the small valued things are the grips, the foundations of life as you would learn to know it. I wish I could tell him now, that he had been living an unstabile life, unforfilled with the dreams he had been granting to wish for.
The only thing that gives a human being satisfaction and happiness in life is being loved by another, knowing that they will be there, loving, caring and sharing their inner-self no matter what obstacle gets in their way. Not because of need, but knowing that you want that person to share the rest of their life with you. I learned to value this ordeal with all it’s might and surrendered to the knowledge that I still long for your love, because I knew it was my first and maybe my last.